Getting There

Voorhees, NJ, Therapist and Life Coach  (856) 352-5428 Contact NJTLC

We may do our best to hide our pain, but we doubtless feel it. Pain is, in fact, just another part of the human experience. Buddhism teaches that our selfish cravings and personal desires cause human suffering. And, once we gain mastery over our cravings and desires, our human suffering can be overcome.

Complex PTSD

Tragically, the pain we desperately try to avoid throughout our lives can eventually lead to 'complex post-traumatic stress disorder.' Unlike PTSD, which can develop after exposure to a single traumatic event (such as war), complex PTSD builds and worsens over time. For example, living in an abusive environment causes the impact of that abuse to grow greater over time. Is it possible for us to learn new ways of coping with our pain?

Pain affects people differently. Does holding onto negative perceptions about the world, others, and ourselves make life more painful? Well, reality is what it is, right? Or is reality subjective, different for each person? What if reality depends on the eyes, attitudes, and beliefs of the observer? People who harbor resentments, cling to anger, and share negative attitudes are likely to experience more pain than those who don't.

Take a moment to reflect on your own life—moment by moment. How aware are you of the Buddha's truth? Are you someone who pushes away pain, or worse, buries it inside? Do you recognize when you're in pain? And do you recognize when others are in pain?

Acceptance

In the final analysis, most of us don't follow the Buddha's guidance. However, when we ignore the Buddha's wisdom, we suffer and keep living in pain. Sadly, the human ability to disconnect from ourselves and others is connected to selfish cravings and desires. Every day, we are bombarded, tempted, and told that we are the true centers of the universe. How can we expect to ease our pain when what causes it is all around us daily, sold as a human right, and preached as a virtue?

Instead of addressing our pain and learning to overcome it, we mask the pain, spending our lives chasing immediate gratification. Immersing oneself in immediate gratification may be a lazy waste of time when we could be putting our time to much greater use - perhaps time is better spent in self-reflection. We all need to learn more about ourselves, to take time to accept our humanity and admit how fragile we truly are.

Perhaps more time should be spent contemplating our death, the nature of god, and the role of spirituality. Every day, I catch myself paying little attention to what causes my pain. Am I that out of touch? Upon reflection, I wonder if all the time and energy I spent pursuing selfish cravings and personal desires led to anywhere at all. How much of our lives have we wasted soothing our ego, while we could have been chasing something meaningful, such as helping those in need, lending an ear to a friend, or caring enough about ourselves to devote time and energy toward healing and fixing ourselves - so that we become better people, and in time, transform into our best selves.

Giving

What if suffering were optional? What would life be like if we lowered our egocentrism and focused instead on the needs of others? I once knew a man who had these words hanging on his wall for all to see, “g-d is first, you are second, and I am last.” The happiest and most content people I know are what I call ‘other-centric’. They always find time for other people, regardless of how busy (or poor) they are. Some call them backward, nonsensical, and even idiotic. Yet, when I help others, I feel certain that I have found my purpose - and a sense of grace and gratitude always overcomes me.