Mind Reading

Therapist and Life Coach in Voorhees NJ, Marlton NJ, and Cherry Hill NJ  (856) 352-5428 Contact NJ Therapy & Life Coaching

Do you see your reality as it truly is? Or do you see reality as it is not, believing what you see and understand to be true when it may not be? How we see and understand the world, those around us, and ourselves can be skewed and may not reflect reality as it actually is. Your personal reality is not the absolute truth, but rather a version of reality seen and understood through your own eyes.

We all view the world through our pair of ‘rose-colored glasses.’ How we perceive and believe what is real is often distorted because the things we hold to be true may not be based on facts. We tend to mind-read—assuming we know for sure how things are—when the facts don’t support those beliefs. We fill in the gaps and make assumptions about how people think and feel about us, and these assumptions can become confused with reality.

Sometimes, we believe things about ourselves and our relationships without enough evidence to support those beliefs. Each day, I work with ‘mind readers’—people who assume they know why specific life events happened, how others feel about them, or what someone’s motives are—when the facts don’t back up their conclusions. Take a moment to consider what it’s like to live a life based on a false reality. How do you know which direction to take if you don’t see reality as it truly is?

Many times, ‘mind reading’ leads to negative thoughts and emotions. What you believe to be true may not be. Is there enough evidence to support your belief, or is your belief unsupported and based on ‘mind reading’ and assumptions? You fill in the gaps where evidence is lacking, living your life based on a false reality. Mind reading is simple to understand—ask yourself, do you really know how another person thinks and feels?

How it looks

Last week, one of my clients was fired from his job. His boss did not give him a reason why, and he didn’t ask. He began ‘mind reading’, blaming himself, convinced that he must have done something wrong. Soon, negative beliefs (self-hatred, shame, failure) led to deep feelings of depression and hopelessness.

He started to believe that he was a failure, unable to hold a job and unable to care for himself. I asked him, “where is the evidence that you are basing these beliefs on? there is none.” In this case, ‘mind-reading’ led to real harm and despair, causing him to believe and feel the way he did.

Let’s go back to the beginning of this example. Last week, one of my clients was fired from his job. His boss did not give him a reason why, and he didn’t ask. Let’s take a different path. Instead of ‘mind reading’, think carefully about what has occurred, and instead of ‘mind reading’, consider some plausible, alternative realities. “I don’t know why I was fired.

Let’s go back to the beginning of this example. “Last week, one of my clients was fired from his job. His boss did not give him a reason why, and he didn’t ask.” Let’s choose a different path. Instead of ‘mind reading,’ think carefully about what happened, and consider some plausible, alternative explanations.

“I don’t know why I was fired. Maybe I wasn’t doing a good job. But I just don’t have the evidence I need to believe that this is true. There are many reasons why I may have been fired. Think it through—maybe it was because 1) your employer could no longer afford to keep you and plans to hire someone with less experience at a lower salary; 2) there was nothing wrong with your work—in fact, it was better than most.

I always volunteered to take on extra responsibilities as well. Perhaps you were fired because your supervisor was threatened by your ambition and talent, and wanted to get rid of you; 3) a co-worker - for whatever reason – who did not get along with or like you, might have told the boss (who she is friendly with) that you were not right for the job, that you was a trouble-maker, and that you should be fired. ‘Mind reading’ convinced my client that he was fired due to personal inadequacy, and that his termination was his fault. But any of the alternatives above may have been the real reason. Don’t assume that when something goes wrong, it must be your fault.  

Reality

Challenge yourself to see reality as it is, and not what you assume it to be. Think through and analyze situations in which ‘mind reading’ has led you to believe things that may not be true. Evidence rarely lies, while ‘mind reading’ often does. Seeing the world, others, and yourself with clarity and truth will allow you to make positive life changes. You must know who you are, your true self, to grow and create positive change. ‘Mind reading’ leads you astray. It makes you believe things that aren’t true. It can lead you into darkness, and in the dark, most of us end up lost.