What Therapy Teaches Us
Therapist and Life Coach in Marlton NJ, Voorhees NJ, and Cherry Hill NJ (856) 352-5428 Contact NJ Therapy & Life Coaching
We are all imperfect, and we all live flawed lives. We all know that living day to day can be a challenge. “If only others would behave as I want them to! Don’t they see life the way I do? Don’t they know that I know best and that I have it all arranged? That they need only comply with my wishes to create a perfect world?” Ha. Most often, our family, our co-workers, and the rest of the world do not fall into line, and we are left expending valuable emotional energy in our frustration and disappointment.
Finding Happiness
Thirty years ago, a wise man told me that the world is exactly how it’s supposed to be. He explained that unhappiness comes from unmet expectations. That is, to find happiness, we need to change how we see things and our attitudes toward the world. If I didn’t accept the world as it was supposed to be, I would remain frustrated and unhappy forever. I learned that the rest of the world does not want to conform to my perfectionistic plans.
Life is not often fair – but when we see reality clearly and accept it just as it is, peace and serenity have a chance to take hold. Acceptance allows you to stop fighting with the truth and being so miserable about it. Fighting against ‘what is’ leads only to frustration, and never leads to a peaceful resolution of one’s feelings and attitudes. We can choose to expend our energy in anger and outrage, or we can face facts, accept life on life’s terms, and move forward toward greater things.
Acceptance
On the now-famous page 417 of the AA Big Book, a member shares, “Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life—unacceptable to me, and I cannot find serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to focus not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.”
Energy
I tell those I work with that each day is like a pie. The pie only has so many pieces, and I always ask ‘ok, how much of today’s pie do you want to waste on resentment and anger?’ The answer is most often ‘none.’ You can sit in anger and shake your fist at the world’s unfairness, or you can work on acceptance – seeing and internalizing reality as it is, and not as you wish it to be. How much of today’s pie do you want to devote to acceptance, growth, flexibility, and contentment?
Wasted Energy
It’s normal to be disappointed when life doesn’t go as planned, but spending energy sitting in disappointment is just a waste of that energy. Decide: you can expend your energy on life events that you cannot change, or you can begin to accept life as it is and focus your energy on the positive. Again, unhappiness lives in unmet expectations! Whether we are disappointed in our loved ones, ourselves, or the world around us, we should ask, “What’s in my best interest?” Should you dwell on a negative and have an ungrateful attitude, or shift your perspective and appreciate what we have within our control?
Decide to Change
Now you can begin to improve your life. Change requires focus, commitment, and an open mind. To change your life, you must count on your inner strength to accept difficult realities. Be accepting of yourself, others, and the world. Only then can you break free and find peace. Spending energy sitting in disappointment is just a waste of your precious, limited daily energy.
Decide: you can expend your energy on life events that you cannot change, or you can begin to accept life as it is and focus your energy on the positive. Again, unhappiness lives in unmet expectations.
To change your life, you must count on your inner strength to accept brutal realities. Be accepting of yourself, of others, and the world. Only then can you break free and find peace.
Our practice, New Jersey Therapy and Life Coaching in Voorhees, NJ offers individual psychotherapists, relationship therapists, marriage counselors, and trauma therapists. We serve clients in Voorhees, Marlton, and Cherry Hill, NJ. Our goal is to provide effective support for a variety of mental health and relationship challenges.