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How to be Emotionally Resilient
Bad news has a way of undermining our emotional well-being and sometimes leads to deep sadness or depression. Some clients come for therapy and/or life coaching because they have had a devastating personal or relational problem, a loss, or a newly diagnosed medical problem that affects them or a loved one. Bad news can trigger intense emotions—sadness, fear, anger, and numbness.
Cognitive Tools
We have worked with clients trying to cope with news they were entirely unprepared for. Your emotional reaction to bad news begins. We have worked with clients trying to handle news they were completely unprepared for. Your emotional response to bad news starts with your thoughts. The cognitive model explains that your thoughts lead to your emotions, and your emotions drive your behaviors. Sometimes, you can’t control what happens in your life, but you can control how you react. Use cognitive tools to deal effectively with bad news. If we ignore our attitude and perspective on what is happening, our mental health can be affected.
Your Emotions
The first step in coping with bad news is to pause and acknowledge your emotions. You may push down your initial reaction to stay “strong.” However, allowing yourself to feel your feelings is essential. There are eight basic emotions: pain, fear, anger, guilt, shame, joy, passion, and love. While the former are considered negatives (though they can sometimes be positive, as shame and guilt can help us grow), the latter are considered positives. You may be sad, scared, or even confused. These are the “normal” human responses to bad news. To heal, you must sit with your feelings, without judgment. This will allow you to begin processing your emotions in a healthy way.
Turn to Supportive People
Make sure you seek support from those you trust. Turn to your spouse, a family member, a friend, or a professional therapist. Sharing your experience will allow you to process your emotions. Turning to others helps you stay grounded. Just being heard by someone else can be helpful. Having someone there can bring clarity and relief. If you’re not ready to talk, write down your thoughts - do some personal journaling to help you through.
What Can I Control?
You may find focusing on those things you can control to be useful. When you get bad news, you can feel helpless. This can lead to depression and anxiety. Fight it off by identifying what you can do. Do you have all of the evidence? Start gathering more information and creating a plan. You must remember basic self-care. Eat and do your best to get enough sleep, and restart familiar daily routines. This will help you feel more in control.
Don’t Catastrophize
As thoughts lead to emotions, and emotions drive behavior, you must reflect on what is called self-talk. Self-talk drives your thoughts. What are you thinking about? Be careful not to catastrophize. Be mindful of your inner thoughts and challenge the negative ones. Don’t be too hard on yourself or judge yourself harshly. Practicing self-compassion and challenging unhelpful thoughts can help protect you. Ask yourself: “Would I say this to a friend?” If the answer is no, consider a kinder, more balanced perspective. Be mindful; meditation can help you stop ruminating.
Processing and Accepting It
Give yourself time to process the news. Do what you can to address the problems, and ask others for help when needed. Some days will be harder than others—good days show that you have coping skills. Being emotionally resilient doesn’t mean bouncing back immediately. Perhaps unbelievable at the time, but bad news can lead to personal growth, greater empathy towards yourself and others, and inner strength.
Bad news will always be part of life, but with the right tools and support, you can be courageous and meet challenges gracefully. Take time to heal, get the help you need, and recognize that coping with bad news is a skill to be learned.