Therapist and Life Coach in Voorhees NJ, Marlton NJ, and Cherry Hill NJ (856) 352-5428) Contact New Jersey Therapy and Life Coaching
Why We Need Others
Thirty years ago, someone told me that no one goes through life alone — and that most of our suffering shows up when we try. At the time, I believed independence meant strength. I believed that needing people made you vulnerable. But slowly, I learned the truth: we are built for connection, and when we deny that, a loneliness settles into the spaces we try hardest to fill with productivity, distraction, and self-reliance.
It took time to understand that friendship is not optional for good mental health. It is one of the central ways we stay grounded in a world that often feels uncertain. Human beings steady each other without even realizing it. A simple conversation, a shared moment, or the presence of someone who truly understands — these are the experiences that help us feel safe enough to continue.
Friendship and Honesty
We often imagine that friendships develop effortlessly, but most meaningful relationships grow through slow and steady presence. A friend is not someone who agrees with us at every turn, but someone who helps you see yourself honestly. They remind us of who we are when we forget. They widen our perspective in both good and bad times. In this way, friendship becomes our teacher, guiding us back to our best selves.
Yet connection is impossible without some willingness to be seen. Vulnerability is mandatory. Many people carry wounds from earlier relationships, believing that closeness will only lead to disappointment. That belief naturally holds us back. What I’ve learned through years of sitting with people in their pain is that the heart begins to heal the moment we allow someone else to witness our truth. Even a small opening can change everything. You’d be amazed by what I’ve seen just sitting in my chair, in my therapist office.
Loneliness and the Need to Connect
Loneliness does not arise from being alone; it arises from feeling invisible. I have met people whose family, coworkers, and acquaintances surrounded them, yet they felt incredibly alone. The absence of emotional intimacy creates an ache only a lonely person can know. It is something we try to ignore, but cannot. Real connection begins when we allow another person to know something genuine about us - something vulnerable and true.
Among my younger clients (well, almost everyone seems younger than me these days), technology offers the illusion of closeness. A message, an emoji, playing video games online with friends while alone in our room, can feel like a connection, but it rarely satisfies the deeper need to connect. Online friendships may fill a moment, but they rarely fill the heart. We must remember that human presence — even in a simple phone call — carries something that artificiality can't replace.
Consistency as the Foundation of Friendship
Friendship also asks something of us: consistency. When we become busy, we may let our relationships fade. Yet every strong friendship is built on the moments we choose to be in the presence of someone else. It comes from the decision to reach out, to listen, to show up even when it would be easier not to. These simple acts carry deep meaning. They tell another person, “Your life matters to me.”
What I’ve seen in my office, year after year, is that people often underestimate how much they mean to one another. A friend’s support during a difficult time can alter the entire course of someone’s life. Their presence is a reminder that difficulty need not be endured in isolation, and that hope is found in human connection.
Connection as an Act of Acceptance
We grow because of our friendships. We heal through them. We become more accepting of ourselves when others accept us. In a world that is not always fair or feels unsafe, connection helps us remain steady. It offers us a place to rest from the endless pressure to manage everything alone.
And so, friendship becomes a form of acceptance — of ourselves, of others, and of the shared human experience. It reminds us that we were never meant to face life in isolation. When we allow people into our world, even in small ways, we discover a truth many of us learned too late: that connection is not a weakness, but one of the greatest strengths we possess.