Put The Phone Down! (yes, mom…)

New Jersey Therapist and Life Coach, Marlton NJ, Voorhees NJ, and Cherry Hill NJ (856) 352-5428) Contact NJTLC

A newish problem that some of my clients have, which has yet to be included in the Diagnostic Manual of Mental Disorders, is what I call “device addiction.” This is when you can’t seem to put your phone or tablet down, even when you know you are wasting time.

Day after day, hour after hour, you scroll and scroll. Some of my clients struggle to put their phones down, even in bed. They stay up late, either scrolling or watching videos, knowing that they have to get up early and be at work the next day.

Clients are now presenting either with primary device problems (this is their main problem and why they called us to meet with a therapist) or secondary device problems, which is when, for example, I meet with a couple, and one or both of them report being unhappy with the time their partner spends scrolling.

Instead of cuddling up on the couch to watch a show together (or do other fun things), they are “zombied out” looking at their phone or tablet. Or, sneaking a peek at their smart watch because they know their partner is annoyed with their device usage.

So I looked it up. How many times do we generally check our smartphones or smartwatches per day? The number is 100 times. We are either sending or reading a text, or scrolling around social media, or answering “just one more” email. Lucky for us, we weren’t born with a smartphone in our hands, even though you may think I’m lying.

Our smartphone and tablet use can become problematic and even “addicting.” People were not designed to deal with the constant stimulation they provide, and many of us are consumed by it without even realizing it.

That’s where the concept of what I call “device detox” comes in. As you likely guessed, a device detox requires a break from your smartphone, tablet, laptop, or smartwatch. It’s a conscious choice to “stop using” these devices for a certain period, allowing us to rest and recover from the constant stimulation they provide.

“Impossible!” you cry. “I need it for work!” Oh really? I’m old enough (ugh) to remember when none of these devices existed. And today, one of the greatest aspects of being a therapist and life coach is that our devices are often silenced for most of the day (or night) because we are meeting with clients. Actually, I do remember being in therapy years ago when my therapist actually answered his phone during a session. At NJTLC we don’t do that…

How Do I Do A Device Detox???

Before you go into “pre-withdrawal” (is that a word, or even a concept?) I want to ensure that you understand this is not about punishing yourself for doing something wrong. There are different types of detoxes you can do, from a relatively short detox (I like to call them introductory), such as leaving your smartphone behind when taking a walk, or banning screen time before bed (start at, say, 8 pm). Alternatively, you can opt for a longer detox, shutting off your devices for a day or over a weekend. However, even a small detox, such as leaving your smartphone behind and taking a short walk, can have a positive impact.

What matters most is your intention. A detox isn’t about punishing yourself or trying to live without a smartphone or tablet forever. Instead, think of it as creating a purposeful space between you and your devices. You are taking back conscious control of your use.

Why Are You Calling It An Addiction?

Devices such as a smartphone and tablet can trigger a neurological reward system, not unlike how certain drugs do. If you’ve ever done online dating, you will immediately relate to this. Do you (or did you) wait for every “ding” hoping it’s a “like” or a message from someone you’ve been getting to know?

Dating is just an example. Every text or notification on our smartphone can trigger the release of dopamine neurotransmitter (which feels good), which we can start to crave. It’s no coincidence that scrolling can feel addictive—it’s literally training your brain to crave the next hit of excitement and something new. Over time, constant overstimulation like this will cause anxiety, stress, and sleeplessness.

No matter the size of the detox, you are giving yourself a time-out, a time to recover from all of that overstimulation and the dopamine cocktail it serves you. The stress of being always on and available can start to subside. Try detoxing for an hour - you will likely experience

When you unplug, your nervous system gets a chance to rest and reset. The constant background stress of being “always available” fades, and you begin to experience calm again. Many people are surprised at how much mental clarity and relaxation they feel after just a short break.

Why Should I Do This?

Since you are no longer checking your phone every few minutes, your anxiety level will decrease because you are no longer living in a state of high alert. And for those of you who can’t stop FaceTime scrolling, your sense of self-worth is likely to increase as we tend to compare ourselves to others on social media.

Most often, we lose because we think we are less than others we see online. Self-esteem and confidence will improve as a result of the detox. Also, you are likely to spend more time doing social things like hanging out with your friends and family (or talking to your spouse).

A device detox removes distractions, and you will begin living life again. Real life, not social media life. You might get back to hobbies you once loved, like reading, playing an instrument, or writing blog posts…wait, scratch that one.

Your Body Also Benefits

Physically, your body also benefits when you reduce device usage or do a device detox, which I guess I’d expect. Headaches and eye strain often decrease. You’re more likely to move around instead of hunching over your tablet or smartphone. You will also sleep better. Screen use can negatively impact your sleep cycle.

I’m Not Saying It’s Bad

A device detox isn't about technology being inherently evil. They connect us, teach us, and allow us to do our work much faster than ever before. The problem arises when we become addicted and let our devices take over our lives. A detox serves as a reminder that you are ultimately in control of your own choices and actions.