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Coping with Negative Life Changes
Life changes sometimes come suddenly and unexpectedly. One moment, things are moving along smoothly, when you have it together, and you aren’t worried. But sometimes our minds become overwhelmed by unexpected changes. Some changes are positive, such as starting a new job or meeting a new romantic partner. Others cause distress, like ending a marriage, losing a job, or having someone close to you pass away. Our lives and circumstances can shift overnight.
When a sudden change occurs, the mind typically responds by either attempting to control everything or trying to predict every outcome. Both reactions are pretty normal, but neither is effective. Instead of asking, “How do I stop this from happening?”, a better question is, “How can I manage what’s happening, and even, how can I come out of this stronger and smarter?”
Acceptance
Begin with acceptance. Genuine acceptance involves acknowledging the truth: “This happened. I don’t like it. I didn’t choose it. But it’s real.” You need to stop fighting reality. You may feel like you’re sinking in quicksand when negative changes occur. Fighting reality is draining and can keep you stuck in the victim place. Acceptance isn’t agreeing with negative changes. It’s about seeing things clearly, and having clarity is the foundation for positive change.
You must also accept what is by letting yourself feel your feelings - the anxiety, fear, anger, and sadness that may accompany changes. Emotions aren’t necessarily things to be "fixed." They are signposts. Allow them to come and go without making judgments. You aren’t looking for constant calmness. You are looking instead for the ability to take a breath, re-assess things, and begin positive change by identifying and taking the first step.
The Importance of Your Attitude and Perspective
We almost always discuss the importance of “attitude” and “perspective” in the change process. As emotions arise during change, focusing on gaining perspective is invaluable. Perspective doesn’t imply believing that everything is “for the best.” Instead, it involves broadening your view. Change can reveal uncomfortable truths you've been avoiding, highlight what wasn’t functioning, or push you to make a decision you've been postponing. And yes—sometimes it feels unfair and painful. Still, perspective helps transform thoughts like “My life is over” into “My life has changed." Change is something we can survive. Change is something we can manage.
Be cautious of catastrophizing. Your mind can jump to the worst-case scenario. We do this to prepare ourselves emotionally for the absolute worst outcome. However, more often than not, the worst does not happen. There are three questions to ask when change is occurring, and fear is intensifying: 1) What is the worst that can happen? 2) What is the best that can happen? 3) What is most likely going to happen? Fight fear with confidence, and reflect on past successes to fuel it.
Ask for Help
Don’t feel you need to handle your problems on your own. Talk things out with a close friend or a trusted relative. When you do this, the intensity of your fear will lessen, and you will likely receive valuable feedback to help you move forward. Consult a therapist or life coach to help you distinguish between emotional chaos and practical steps. While the right conversation doesn’t instantly solve the issue, it can prevent it from escalating into multiple problems. Journaling can also offer surprising clarity—note what has changed and identify your fears. Next, write about the practical steps you can take. Clarity is best expressed on paper.
Reflecting on your daily routines is also important because during changing times, routine is essential. When life changes, your nervous system wants predictability. While you can’t control everything, you can stabilize some aspects—such as wake-up time, meals, and simple tasks that maintain your connection to a stable life. A routine helps eliminate that feeling of being ungrounded and prevents overthinking and worrying all day.
Self-Care and the Importance of Gratitude
Of course, pay attention to self-care. Basic self-care is straightforward: eat well, stay active, limit scrolling, and prioritize sleep. Incorporate calming activities such as breathing exercises, meditation, walking, and stretching. None of these is a cure-all; they are support tools. They help you become more resilient, and resilient people cope better with challenges.
Finally, create a gratitude list. What is it that you have that you are grateful for? Having a safe place to live, supportive people in your life, and an income stream (hopefully). Change can be painful, yet it can also be a turning point. Although sometimes changes are not positive, your resilience will keep you focused on positive changes.
If you’re experiencing a major life change and need assistance in understanding it—both emotionally and practically—we are here to help. Therapy (and coaching) provides a space to process your feelings, work on your perspective and attitude, and develop a plan that aligns with who you are now.