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Is My Therapist Any Good? What’s the Difference and What Should I Look For?

Beginning therapy can feel hopeful but a bit scary. People usually walk in wanting relief, clarity, or change, but this means “I have to talk about myself and my life - honestly!” Really, the difference between a good therapist and a bad one isn’t about the degrees they have. It’s all about whether you feel the therapist is present and in the room with you. How safe does the therapist feel? Do you connect? Do you believe your therapist can help you learn more about yourself? Will they help you change dysfunctional behaviors?

A Good Therapist

A good therapist establishes emotional safety from the beginning. That doesn’t mean sessions are easy or even comfortable, but it does mean that you feel respected, taken seriously, and heard. A good therapist listens closely, asks thoughtful questions, and remains curious about your internal world. They do not rush to interpretations or give advice. Effective therapy takes time. If you feel rushed or misunderstood early on, it may be time to find someone else.

A Bad Therapist

A bad therapy experience feels different. A bad therapist dominates sessions, interrupts you frequently, or leads the conversation toward their own opinions. Over time, you may feel that they are talking AT YOU rather than understanding you. Therapy is meant to be collaborative—not a lecture, performance, or monologue.

Acceptance of Who You Are

Good therapists don’t see their clients as broken. They understand that mental health symptoms are responses to stress, trauma, relationships, or difficult life circumstances. This perspective reduces shame and facilitates growth. In person-centered therapy, you are accepted fully for who you are. Growth and change cannot occur without this.

Labels

Bad therapists pathologize you. They label you and place you in specific categories through a diagnosis. They view personal struggles as character defects rather than situations requiring thoughtful attention. Diagnostic labels can increase feelings of shame and lead to self-criticism. Therapy should help you feel empowered and capable of coping with life’s problems, not like a defective human being.

Boundaries

A good therapist keeps healthy boundaries. Sessions are consistent, confidentiality is iron-clad, and professional roles are clear. This predictability builds trust and allows clients to focus on their therapeutic work rather than on the therapist’s life problems. Bad therapists act as if they are your friends; gossip can occur, and meaningless conversations are common.

When boundaries are unclear, therapy can feel like it isn’t therapy. Oversharing, unclear roles, or unpredictable behavior—no matter how well-meaning—can distract from your treatment.

Adaptability

Effective therapists are professionally flexible. This means they are capable of adapting their approach to your needs and readiness for change. They check in, are open to feedback (no matter how insulting!), and adjust when something isn’t helping. Therapy feels alive, not rigid or scripted.

Ineffective therapy often relies on a one-size-fits-all approach. When the same techniques are repeated, and the therapist appears out of touch with you, growth may not occur. Therapy should keep pace with your own changes rather than remain static.

Collaboration

A good therapist understands the power of collaboration. It’s important to be connected and work together. A good therapist will explain what they’re doing, why they’re doing it, and why they are using certain techniques. You will feel included in the therapeutic process. What is happening in therapy is not a mystery.

A bad therapist becomes defensive when questioned. They may not take your thoughts and needs seriously; they are the professionals and know best (so keep quiet!). Your concerns are dismissed. For clients who have childhood abandonment trauma, being ignored is harmful, not helpful. This dynamic undermines trust, and since you may feel unsafe, you can no longer be open and honest in your therapy sessions.

Creating Change

Progress in good therapy isn’t a straight line, but you can feel it working. You are changing how you see yourself, your past, and the world around you. You FEEL like you are changing and moving in a positive direction. You may have become more mindful and self-aware, learned to set stronger boundaries, improved your coping, or gained a clearer understanding of long-standing patterns. Even difficult sessions feel valuable.

Bad therapy can feel draining or confusing without a clear sense of purpose. You may feel worse and gain no insight into your problems. You may be asking yourself why you are even coming at all. Therapy should be challenging and help you change your attitude and perspective.

If you are new to therapy, your gut will often give you the answer. Do I feel I can trust and connect with this therapist or not? Do you feel respected and understood?

Self-Discovery

Good therapy helps you feel more like yourself, not less. It helps you bring about your best self. You should build confidence, have insight, and trust in your ability to cope. Therapy is an investment in your well-being, and finding the right therapist isn’t about perfection. It’s about fit, safety, and the belief that meaningful change is genuinely possible.