Put The Phone Down!
New Jersey Therapist and Life Coach, Marlton NJ, Voorhees NJ, and Cherry Hill NJ (856) 352-5428 Contact NJTLC
A newish problem that some of my clients have, which has yet to be included in the Diagnostic Manual of Mental Disorders, is what I call “device compulsion.” This is when you can’t seem to put your phone or tablet down, even when you know you are wasting time.
Day after day, hour after hour, you scroll and scroll. Some of my clients struggle to put their phones down, even in bed. You stay up late, either scrolling or watching videos, knowing that they have to get up early and be at work the next day.
Clients are now presenting either with primary device problems (this is their main problem and why they called us to meet with a therapist) or secondary device problems, which is when, for example, I meet with a couple, and one or both of them report being unhappy with the time their partner spends scrolling.
Instead of cuddling up on the couch to watch a show together (or do other fun things), they are “zombied out” looking at their phone or tablet. Or, sneaking a peek at their smart watch because they know their partner is annoyed with their device usage.
So I looked it up. How many times do we generally check our smartphones or smartwatches per day? The number is 100 times. We are either sending or reading a text, or scrolling around social media, or answering “just one more” email. Lucky for us, we weren’t born with a smartphone in our hands, even though you may think I’m lying.
Our smartphone and tablet use can become problematic and we were not designed to deal with the constant stimulation they provide, and many of us are consumed by it without even realizing it.
I call this “compulsive device use.” It means taking a deliberate break from your phone, tablet, laptop, or smartwatch to rest and recover from constant stimulation.
“Impossible!” you cry. “I need it for work!” Oh really? I’m old enough (ugh) to remember when none of these devices existed. And today, one of the greatest aspects of being a therapist and life coach is that our devices are often silenced for most of the day (or night) while we meet with clients. Actually, I do remember being in therapy years ago when my therapist actually answered his phone during a session. At NJTLC, we don’t do that…
How Do I Change This???
Before giving your device up for a certain period of time I want to make sure you understand this isn't about punishing yourself for doing something wrong. There are different types you can do, from a relatively short break (I like to call them introductory), such as leaving your smartphone behind on a walk or banning screen time before bed (start at, say, 8 pm). Alternatively, you can opt for a longer one by shutting off your devices for a day or for a weekend. However, even leaving your smartphone behind and taking a short walk, can have a positive impact.
What matters most is your intention. Putting away your device isn’t about punishing yourself or trying to live without a smartphone or tablet forever. Instead, think of it as creating a purposeful space between you and your devices. You are taking back conscious control of your use.
Why Are You Calling It Compulsive?
Devices such as a smartphone and tablet can trigger a neurological reward system, not unlike compulsive behaviors. If you’ve ever done online dating, you will immediately relate to this. Do you (or did you) wait for every “ding” hoping it’s a “like” or a message from someone you’ve been getting to know?
Dating is just an example. Every text or notification on our smartphone can trigger the release of dopamine neurotransmitter (which feels good), which we can start to crave. It’s no coincidence that scrolling can feel compulsive —it’s literally training your brain to crave the next hit of excitement and something new. Over time, constant overstimulation like this will cause anxiety, stress, and sleeplessness.
Give yourself a time-out, a time to recover from all of that overstimulation and the dopamine cocktail it serves you. The stress of being always on and available can start to subside. Try it for an hour - you will likely experience some stress or anxiety.
Over time, when you unplug your nervous system gets a chance to rest and reset. The constant background stress of being “always available” fades, and you begin to experience calm again. Many people are surprised at how much mental clarity and relaxation they feel after just a short break.
Why Should I Do This?
Since you are no longer checking your phone every few minutes, your anxiety level will decrease because you are no longer living in a state of high alert. And for those of you who can’t stop FaceTime scrolling, your sense of self-worth is likely to increase as we tend to compare ourselves to others on social media.
Most often, we lose because we think we are less than others we see online. Self-esteem and confidence will improve as a result of this. Also, you are likely to spend more time doing social things like hanging out with your friends and family (or talking to your spouse).
Putting down your devices removes distractions, and you will begin living life again. Real life, not social media life. You might get back to hobbies you once loved, like reading, playing an instrument, or writing blog posts…wait, scratch that one.
Your Body Also Benefits
Physically, your body also benefits from reducing device use. Headaches and eye strain often decrease. You’re more likely to move around instead of hunching over your tablet or smartphone. You will also sleep better. Screen use can negatively impact your sleep cycle.
I’m Not Saying It’s Bad
Putting down your phone isn't about technology being inherently evil. They connect us, teach us, and allow us to do our work much faster than ever before. The problem arises when use our devices compulsively and let our devices take over our lives. This serves as a reminder that you are ultimately in control of your own choices and actions.